I was put into foster care when I was five and a half years old. I remember a lot of my younger childhood which included some good times but a majority of what I remember is the bad times. My biological mother and father were both meth addicts and drug dealers. Some of the reasons I was taken away were neglect, abuse, and drug problems.
A bit about me now is I’m the mother of 2 little girls ages 2 and 4 years old. I was always worried to become a mother in fear of turning out to be like my biological mother. I work hard to be and prove to the world that I’m not like my biological mother, that I’m the best mother I can be. I did have my kids very young like my bio mother, but I fight hard to stay away from parenting like her. It’s already hard enough that I get judged by a lot of the world because I’m a young single mother of 2 kids, but then you throw in my past. Most people assume I’m a bad mother already because of the tattoos, piercings and make-up, but in reality, I’m the mother who won’t let anyone but grandparents and their dad watch them, take them to all the appointments they need, read to them and put their needs before my own. My past still affects me to this day, I struggle with showing affection, connecting with people and many other things, but I work hard to not let that part of me take over my parenting or affect my children. I want my girls to get what they want and need physically, emotionally and mentally.
Although the beginning of my life was very rough I still love my biological mother and am lucky she had me. I think the biggest thing that showed true love was when she voluntarily gave up her rights. That right their showed she wanted her kids to have a better life. My plans for my future are to start school, get my own place and continue to work on myself so I can keep being the best mom to my children that I can be.
Advice I’d give to my children for when their older is:
-Be a kid as long as you can, childhood goes by so fast. I know this one all too well having had my first child at 15 years old. Although I don’t regret all my children, I do wish I had waited.
- Don’t let my parenting mistakes affect your future. I let my biological parents parenting mistakes affect some of my life. Some I’m still learning to control and others that if I had forgiven them I would have saved myself a big chunk of my childhood full of extra anger, sadness, pain, rebellion and much more.
There is so much I look forward to teaching you and learning from you both. You guys have taught me what true love is. Love I never knew I could feel. You guys have taught me just as much as I have taught you.
Written by: Jasmine Carlson
© 2018 Partnerships for Permanence Inc. All Rights Reserved.